Sweet, Glorious, Refreshing...Paul

Let's just say that things have been a touch difficult lately. After all these months of feeling awash in the struggles of others I might finally be feeling some of my own.

In such times as these I often forget what I have learned from previous experiences (silly humanses). One such nugget of Chuckisdom is that only I can prevent forest fires...no...well, maybe. I have found that when I am pressed from all sides I look to God for help. "What a good idea!" you say, "Of course it's a good idea!" But I find that I am waiting for God to swoop in and rescue me or fix things, blow mine enemies to tiny bits in His mercy and all that. But I forget that I have a role to play in my deliverance. It is mine to ask, to knock, and to seek. It is mine to ask forgiveness and to accept grace. This is not a works-oriented mindset where I have to earn my way back to God. The fact is that when I feel far from God, it is I who have moved and it is then mine to move back, to search again, to seek the presence.

Luckily over the past couple of days God has been especially gracious to me and provided numerous glimpses, which I have not been able to ignore. Even a few minutes ago the brother of a friend came to the cafe and encouraged me to persevere. And last night Paul came over and somehow the mood of The House changed. If I were more new age in thought I would say Paul has the most incredible aura of anyone I know. Everything seems more profound and heavy when he's around and yet easy-going and light at the same time. It really blessed my soul to spend even an hour with him.

In an even more direct way God allowed my soul to be refreshed and all I had to do was be. Saturday night, after the hooliganism of Poker night had subsided, I went outside to cool off and to think. I was met by the most refreshing, most perfect rain. Standing there, sprikled with literal blessings from above I felt utterly refreshed. And then today I took Murphy for a walk through the ravine by The House and, though it was a small retreat, I felt the weight of the city (along with other things) lift for a small moment.

And so I continue to seek, knock, and ask.